


Move Fast, Hold Still

by TryingToBe



Series: Parallel Character Studies [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Minor Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Yo Yo Rodriguez, Skye | Daisy Johnson-centric, Yo Yo Rodriguez-centric, canon loss of limbs, canon violation of consent, canon violence, includes 5x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TryingToBe/pseuds/TryingToBe
Summary: Elena moves fast and bounces back to where she came from.Daisy stands perfectly still and makes everything around her move.-A study of Daisy and Elena
Relationships: Yo Yo Rodriguez & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Series: Parallel Character Studies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164725
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	Move Fast, Hold Still

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series of character studies between Daisy and other characters. Part one is Jiaying. The plan right now is to do Simmons next then May. They are all separate and can be read alone.  
> Oh and if you haven’t seen the Slingshot episode its referenced here. You can watch it on youtube, its amazing!

Elena is very young when she learns about loss. She learns that everything is fleeting. But some things mean too much to let go.

She grabs the cross from the table. It is impulsive. But maybe, maybe if she can move faster, faster, _faster_ …What naive mistake.

She watches her uncle’s body hit the floor. She puts her hand over her mouth and holds her breath to muffle her voice.

It is all her fault. She did it. She knows it. She is ten years old and it is a grief and a guilt too tremendous for a child to handle.

Her cousin Francisco tells her he doesn’t blame her. That it wasn’t her fault. They need to move on, he says. To let go.

She can not let it go. So instead she carries it with her. She carries it around her neck and in her heart. She carries it between countries. She carries it into the darkness of a cocoon and back out as someone new. She carries it to the future and back to the past. She carries it because no matter how fast she runs, it always comes back.

Daisy is very young when she learns about loss. Some dreams are too important to let die.

“Mom,” she calls to Mrs. Brody. The word slips out. It is impulsive. She freezes. Freezes. Freezes. Holds still. Maybe they will not notice. Maybe they will not send her back. What a childish dream.

It is always her fault. She let it happen. She knows it. She is ten years old and it is a grief and a shame too tremendous for a child to handle.

Sister McKenna tells her it wasn’t her fault. “A family will love you someday. God loves you.” But Mary Sue does not understand love. The nuns tell her to let it go and be grateful for what she has.

She can not let it go. So instead she carries it with her. She carries it from foster home to foster home and in a van across the country. She carries it as Mary and as Skye and as Daisy. She carries it into the darkness of a cocoon and back out as someone new. She carries it to the future and back to the past. She carries it with her no matter how much the world around her moves and trembles.

Before Daisy joined SHIELD, she was a Hacktivist named Skye who lived in a van. (“By choice!”) That is a hacker first and an activist second, technically, but Skye doesn’t see that way. She wants change, and hacking is just a tool to get that.

“The System is bullshit,” says Miles. Skye agrees. It has been nothing but a series of disappointments. She wants to burn it down and leave something better in its wake.

“So let’s make it better,” Skye decides. Skye wants to help people. She wants to give them back the power the system stole from them. She never imagined one day being a part of that system. But when she gets there, she realizes maybe if she stays she can make it better.

Before Elena joined SHIELD, she was living in Bogotá, Colombia, working in a museum. In her spare time, she stole weapons from police officers. Except they were nothing more than thieves in uniform. Elena wants change, and when she gets actual power, she knows it is a gift from God. (“Sí. Dios.”) Elena can make a difference. She can help her friends, who were getting killed in the streets. She doesn’t need SHIELD to do that and she never imagined being a part of something like it. But Elena knows she has these gifts for a reason. When she decides to stay, she thinks maybe this is where she is meant to be.

“Backup,” the man they call Mack tells her. She likes the sound of that.

Daisy changes in an underground temple in San Juan beside a friend who came to save her and the woman who lured her there in the first place. When she breaks free of the darkness that surrounds her it is to the horrible reality that her friend is crumbling into pieces right in front of her. She is powerless. She let it happen. And she knows nothing will ever be the same. (They were gonna laugh a lot less. That was for sure.)

She wishes more than anything that it was a nightmare. When she goes to sleep, she sees his smiling face, his eyes bright, and she wants to stay in that dream forever. She stretches out her arm to him, but he slips through her grasp. She is frozen and he is gone. She can never reach him.

When Daisy goes to Afterlife it feels like home. (Which never ends well.) But Afterlife is a place of transition. Later, when it turns into a pile of ashes, she starts to think maybe home is not a place.

Elena changes after eating fish in her living room alone. The rock crawls over her body, suffocating her. When she breaks free of the husk she isn’t sure if it happened at all. She doesn’t notice anything different and so she tries to pretend it was some kind of dream. But then she moves, and it is faster than even she can recognize. (Her heart was beating so fast, she thought someone put cocaine in her beer.)

Elena realizes the reality of what happened, and she smiles. For the first time, she has power, real power. She has an opportunity. She seizes on to it, and doesn’t let go.

When Elena first meets Daisy, she is angry as hell. She finally has power and these people are trying to take it from her.

When Daisy first meets Elena, she is impressed as hell. Watching the security camera footage Daisy sees what Elena can do and smirks. Then she learns _why_ Elena is doing it and knows that she would be perfect for her team- and for her friend. (“Don’t look at me like that.”)

“You’re my new best friend,” Daisy says with a broad smile.

For a moment, they are Secret Warriors together. Just a moment, before it all falls apart.

They meet after. After a cross is ripped away. After a dream dies.

They meet in Baltimore where Elena is tracking the man who murdered her cousin and Daisy is tracking the sale of weapons to terrorists. Elena is handcuffed to a chair in the middle of a room which shakes and trembles before the door bursts open and Daisy frees her. Elena doesn’t kill Ramon.

“I’m not capable of…” Elena explains.

“I know,” Daisy reassures.

After, they cover her tracks and Elena hands Daisy a SHIELD pin. It was given to her by Coulson, given to him by Fury, given to him by Peggy Carter herself.

“I’m not giving something up, but gaining something,” Elena offers.

“A team,” Daisy understands.

And maybe there is something to be said there, about teamwork.

They meet in a bus stop in Los Angeles and Daisy wears all black and is covered in bruises.

“You’re pushing yourself too hard,” Elena worries.

“Don’t worry about me,” Daisy pleads.

Elena always sits behind Daisy. Sometimes she puts her hands protectively on the seat next to Daisy’s shoulders, as close as she will allow.

They meet on the Zephyr and they take turns watching over each other as they dive into a fabricated reality and try to save a man they both love and hope desperately to bring home.

“You promised!” Elena accuses.

“He means as much to me!” Daisy defends.

They meet in the future where they are targets to be bought and sold and bred and killed and revived and tortured. Elena shoots bullets at an alien monster and Daisy explodes it from the inside out.

They call her Quake.

The call her Slingshot.

They call her Tremors.

They call her YoYo.

They call her Destroyer of Worlds.

(“Don’t ever call me that again.”)

Daisy feels her powers constantly. She feels them in her body under her skin and in her veins. She uses them as as naturally as seeing and hearing. When her powers are taken she knows it at once. She feels it like a part of her is missing. The world is dull and flat and still. But it is still whole. So maybe it is all for the best.

“Maybe I don’t go with you. You know its the right move.”

He should have left her behind.

“We didn’t pick you. He could have broken that loop right there!”

When Elena is honest, she knows that the darker side of her looked at Daisy and was jealous. Because Daisy has so much power. She can change so much and help so many people. And Elena wants that.

Elena is terrified that she is not powerful enough to control the future.

When Daisy is honest, she knows that the darker side of her looked at Elena and was jealous. Because Elena does not have to fear her powers hurting anyone. She can help so many people without being afraid. And Daisy wants that.

Daisy is terrified that she is not powerful enough to control herself.

Elena is not a stranger to loss.

When she sees the Chakram flying towards Mack, she knows that she has to save him. Elena moves fast. She puts her arms up. She sees it all in horrifying slow motion. And then, excruciating pain.

When Elena loses her arms, she feels it violently and painfully, with a burning fire. She feels the violation as a part of her is taken away, and loss takes a new form. She loses the ability to protect the people she loves. And the feeling of helplessness and uselessness almost destroyers her. But she survives. And she learns how to live with it. She won’t pretend it didn’t happen. She saved Mack, and she does not regret it. She is not ashamed. But she is angry.

Daisy wakes up in panic because she can’t move. She can feel the drugs in her body, keeping her sedated. She can’t fight. She can’t think. She can’t breathe. So Daisy holds still. And she begs. There is a pause, and then, excruciating pain.

Daisy is not a stranger to loss. But when one of her best friends straps her to a table and violates every cell in her body as he rips her out of her own skull, loss takes a new form. And the feeling of helplessness and betrayal almost destroyers her. But she survives. They want her to pretend it didn’t happen. She can’t. She wishes she was not ashamed. The shame is not hers but it has forced it’s way into her regardless. (“ _You_ didn’t have a choice?”) And so she carries it with her. She pretends she is only angry.

Ruby is angry and unstable and volatile. Ruby is cruel and sadistic and deserves what she gets. (She is a ticking bomb.) Ruby is a lost cause who is going to destroy the world.

When Elena looks at Ruby she sees a destroyer.

Ruby is dead.

After Elena kills her, she thinks, _I just saved the world_. She does the right thing, and still, it feels all wrong.

Ruby has powers she doesn’t understand and can’t control. Ruby is hurt and scared and just wants her mother to love her. (She is terrified.) Ruby can be saved if only someone believes in her.

When Daisy looks at Ruby she sees herself.

Ruby is dead.

After Elena kills her, Daisy thinks, _Would you have done it if it had been me? Because I would have wanted you to. If there was no other way, I would have done it myself._

Elena moves fast, and bounces back to where she came from. She moves with purpose. She has a goal and searches for the fastest way to achieve it. But she moves faster than she can think, faster than she can remember, faster than she can even feel. And if she can run, run, run, fast enough, then she will never feel it. She can outrun pain, outrun grief, outrun guilt, outrun it all. The feelings hit her after. The guilt hits her after.

Guilt starts in her stomach where it churns and consumes. It feeds on her fear and grows with her darkness. It tells her to run away so she never has to see it again. Run, but never too far, because if she goes too far, then she will forget, and it will all have been for nothing. And it asks her over and over again, _Why did she do it? Couldn’t she have done something, anything else but that?_

_Why did she do that?_

Guilt is crippling.

“I should have stayed still,” Elena berates.

“I think the point is to forgive yourself for it,” May offers.

Daisy stands perfectly still and makes everything around her move. She searched for solid ground her entire life but the world is in constant motion. It moves with energy that is never destroyed, and she can feel it when it changes. When the vibrations of her friends become as still as the vibrations of the ground she buries them in. The feelings hit her first. The guilt hits her first. She can never run from it, so instead she suppresses it. She buries the pain. Buries the grief. Buries the shame. Buries it all.

Shame lives under her skin. It seeps through her pours where it bleeds into her blood until the vessels burst and all that is left is bruises. It calls her unwanted, unloved, monster, abomination, destroyer, disease. And it asks her over and over again, _Why didn’t she stop it? Why didn’t she do something, anything, to stop it?_

_Why did she let it happen?_

Shame is paralyzing.

“What am I supposed to do?” asks Daisy.

“Use every bit of it,” May teaches.

They meet in the middle after it is all over. They forgive one another long before they ever forgive themselves. And they don’t look too closely at why that is. (They fight, but not with a lack of respect.) Daisy sits in the co-pilots seat on the Zephyr and Elena stands behind her. She puts her hands on the seat on either side of Daisy’s shoulders.

Izel can possess people. She can take over their body and make them do whatever she wants. Daisy and Elena have gifts. Izel can use them however she pleases. Izel sees them standing where they have come to save Mack and smiles with greed.

Daisy freezes. She thinks, _No_. _Not again._ Not after parasitic drugs and not after inhibitors and scalpels and not after destroyers of worlds. _Please, not again_.

Elena looks at Daisy, and she understands. _I can protect you_ , she thinks.

Elena moves fast.

Elena falls to the dirt ground of a temple in Mexico with an alien bat inside of her, slowly taking over.

She hands Daisy a knife. _Do it_ , she thinks. _I want you to. There is no other way. If I could, I would do it myself._ Daisy understands. And maybe it is the right thing, but still, it feels too wrong.

Daisy holds still.

She puts down the knife and stands. _I’m sorry_ , she thinks. _I can’t_. _I can save you. Please let there be a way to save you._

Daisy and Elena do not want to save the leader of the Nazi organization. They want to help people. And surely, surely, saving Nazis helped no one. SHIELD was a system they served and tried to improve. SHIELD was a way for them to help and save people. But there were other ways to do that. SHIELD was not the end result of a more perfect world, but a tool to help them get there. And they want to do more. They can make a difference, because they are different. Because the world always gets better, but it is never fast enough. On this, they have always agreed.

Elena feels her powers only when she is using them. They are a natural extension of herself, and she can use them as easily as she can breathe and her heart can beat. But they are not something she gets any sort of feedback from. When she loses them she does not know it at first. But then she goes to use them and they are not there. And Elena thought she would be used to that by now.

Elena gets her powers back at Afterlife when she meets Daisy’s mother. She is skeptical at first. But at this point, she will try anything.

In the end, Elena thinks both of Daisy’s moms helped her.

And maybe there is something to be said there, about family.

Elena found a family she didn’t know she was looking for with SHIELD. She found Mack, her love, her light, her hope. She found May, who helped her face her past and embrace the full extent of her power. She found Daisy. A woman who went from her recruiter to her teammate to her sister ‘in law’ to her sister.

Daisy found the family she searched for her entire life with SHIELD. She found Mack, her partner, her brother, who always had her back. She found May, who helped her as she faced her past and when she was afraid of her power. She found Elena. A woman who went from her recruit to her teammate to her sister ‘in law’ to her sister.

And one day, Elena learned to let go, and stop bouncing back. She learned to be free and unrestrained by herself. And she races forward faster than the wind and lets it carry her home.

And one day, Daisy learned to let go, and let it all out. She learned to be proud and grounded in herself. And when she reaches for the sky and flies, she lands safely back home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I’d love to hear what you thought!


End file.
